I know, I know… I’ve written about my filthy car before but it bears revisiting.
The time has come for me to bid Rhonda (my ride) adieu. We’ve had 5 glorious years together, & I love her dearly, but like all good things our relationship must come to an end. My parents decided to bestow upon me a late birthday gift of a new-ish vehicle (I’m so spoiled, right?), & so Rhonda will be moving on to a new owner. One who hopefully will love her as much as I did.
Now, the first step of selling a vehicle is making sure it’s clean & free of garbage & other hoarded materials. Being that I am a self-described hoarder, this was the most laborious part of getting Rhonda retail-ready. Any car owner knows how things start to collect in a vehicle… A couple pairs of shoes for work, a blanket for emergencies, a jacket you thought you might need on a brisk spring day, a box of band-aids… etc. I somehow managed to take this phenomenon to a whole ‘nother level of collecting… It was as if I had decided it was mandatory for me to be ready for anything.
& I also gave up attempting any sort of organization (I’m a creative individual okay? We don’t take well to things like “structure” & “cleanliness”), & that quickly resulted in a pile of shit I don’t need/use in my trunk that soon began spilling into the backseat.
Anyone who has ridden in Rhonda’s rear knows this pile of shit well: more likely than not they had to get comfortable with a bag of actual garbage or a year-old, unopened, 2L bottle of 7-up in order to fit safely in the back. & even when I cleaned out Rhonda on a not-so-regular basis I would more rearrange the hoarded material versus actually take care of the problem & cleaning it out. Yeah, I would throw out the legitimate garbage, but I could never get around to giving Rhonda a full-blown, properly done, cleaning. I would always be able to rationalize avoiding it: who knows when I will need this limited-edition Guitar Hero guitar for Wii? Or one (or all) of these three blankets? Or a pair of uncomfortable faux leather red pumps? Or a copy of Lauren Conrad’s first book? OR half a 26 of raspberry vodka & 8 cans of beer?
You never know when tragedy will strike. You know? Of course I always hoped for the best, but you’ve got to prepare for the worst.
Am I right?
But now the time has finally come. I have to clean Rhonda out; she’s moving on, I am moving on, & I’ve got to gather my belongings & go. That wooden sword that has been taking up space in my trunk is now going to be collecting dust in the basement, & the Ouija board that I bought on a lark but have been too afraid of paranormal repercussions to throw out is now buried at the bottom of a black garbage bag.
Once Rhonda’s inside was clutter-free, I moved on to the next step of selling a vehicle: I gave her a good & proper clean, inside & out. I got 25 tokens at my favourite car wash & went to town. I even used the foam brush, & I thought about giving her a wax… but then realized I had no idea what waxing a car actually entails… So I didn’t.
It’s the thought that counts though.
I also decided to put the Armour-All wipes I bought to good use & tackled the dust bunnies residing on my dash, & cleaned up the unknown sticky substance that crustified to the bottom of my cup holders.
Now that Rhonda is shiny, clean, & almost just like new, she’s ready to go on the market. I don’t know if I am ready to put her up for sale, but, like I said, it is time to move on.
It’s a really weird, & emotional, experience for me. Cleaning out Rhonda & removing any personal memorabilia was like saying goodbye to an old friend. Some of the best times of my life (so far) happened in or around Rhonda, & I am going to miss her dearly. She’s been good to me, even when I haven’t necessarily been good to her, & together we’ve seen a lotta road. To me, she will always be more than a Ford Focus station wagon: she will be Rhonda, my first car.