10. Maybe it’s because I turn into a baby when I’m sick.

I have been feeling under the weather lately. And it has been horrible.

I feel like crap, and when I feel this terrible I revert to a childlike state of being – whining, crying, and not being able to properly enunciate – serving to make anyone around me suffer. Nobody in my social circle has been able to escape the emotional trauma of my illness (which is unfortunate for all involved) BUT being this sick has given me the opportunity to examine whether or not my inability to take a cold like an adult has effected my solo status. While cooking up my latest batch of Neo-Citran, I pondered: am I single because I want to be pampered, mollycoddled, cossetted, spoiled and/or fussed over when I am sick?


When I don’t feel well – I mean really don’t feel well – I turn into the worst, most annoying, most helpless version of myself. I can barely stand to be around me when I am in this particular state, so it is easy to fathom why my friends and family are eager to give me a wide berth.

I began to feel ill sometime on Friday, and by the time Saturday rolled around I was a dribbling, dripping, oozing, whimpering ball of snot. Honestly, I am considering taking out stock in Kleenex because I am basing my survival around the shit. At work I started and ended every conversation with “I’m SICK,” pouty face and watery eyes included. By the time Saturday night was upon me, I was having major difficulty doing even the most basic of human functions – at one point my best friend actually had to clean mucous off me because I had an uncontrollable sneezing fit, followed by an uncontrollable expulsion of fluid from my nasal cavity (in PUBLIC), followed by me bursting into tears.

Whenever there are instances of both tears AND bodily fluids in a public place, you know it can’t be good.

Needless to say, I spent the rest of my weekend lying in bed, pumping myself full of fluids and mandarin oranges, using the final hours of my Christmas break to make myself well.

Maybe if I made the effort to keep my monstrous, needy, selfish and crabby sickly alter ego under wraps, I wouldn’t have been playing doctor alone this weekend.


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