16. Maybe it’s because I am a “complete asshole”?

I always thought that I was a pretty nice person. Like everyone, I have my moments where I can be a bit of a grumpy bear, and I have been known to be slightly difficult to handle on occasion, but on the whole I am pretty easy to be around. At least, I thought I was. BUT, apparently, I was wrong. And I recently had the pleasure of finding out I was a complete asshole in a totally unorthodox but still equally offensive way.

I was sitting in class, and because my usual study buddy had failed to save me a seat, I was stuck sitting next to a stranger. Normally, this wouldn’t have bothered me but I was already having a bit of a bad day/week and instead of being my bubbly, willing-to-talk-to-anyone self, I decided to play the part of a hermit and immersed myself in blogdom, counting down the minutes until class was over and I could quickly make my exit.

During class, while listening to my prof give her ear-bleedingly dull lecture, I found myself distracted by my neighbour’s typing. He was hammering on his keyboard like nobody’s business, and it was distracting to the point where I needed to know WHAT the fuck he was writing about. So, I stealthily glanced over to see what was up.

To my shock and surprise he had just finished a goddamn monologue about how I was a stuck-up bitch, our professor was (and I QUOTE) “a Cosmopolitan reading, feminist bitch” and I was a “complete ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!” in addition to my stuck-up bitchiness.


Never having been in a situation like this one before, I was both intrigued AND appalled. I tried to read as much as I could of what he was writing — being the curious cat that I am — and I found myself in total disbelief that someone would say such rude things about a person they hadn’t even TALKED to. He claimed that he had asked me a question (which he didn’t, BY THE WAY) about the Mac computers that we use at school, and that I treated him like “a second-class citizen” in response. I couldn’t believe it. The level of craziness that some people possess is off the charts. This alleged treatment is what led him to the conclusion that I was an asshole. I don’t know what our prof “did” but I am sure it was equally as fictitious as my apparent indiscretions.

However, his so-called observations of me that led him to assume that I was a total bitch made me wonder if I was giving off some sort of vibe that indicated that I was a jerk. And maybe that vibe was to blame for my perpetual singleness.

Am I single because I am an asshole, jerk, stuck-up, bastard and/or swampdonkey without even trying?

Probably not. I think it is more likely that he is suffering a psychotic break, and is well on his way to the looney-bin… And I am pretty content that I am still a half-way decent human being.

Needless to say, I won’t be sitting next to him EVER again. And if I don’t post anything for a while, I am probably locked up in his basement, and the person reading this should probably call the police.

Because being chopped up into little pieces and scattered along the banks of the North Saskatchewan river is NOT my idea of a perfect date.


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