I haven’t been embarrassed since, like, the third grade. I don’t even REMEMBER what embarrassment feels like… that’s how long ago I experienced the sensation.
Growing up with an immigrant (my father is fresh off the boat from bonnie Scotland) is partly to blame for my inability to experience humiliation — public or otherwise — but the biggest reason I don’t let things embarrass me is due to my lack of shame.
I have no shame, and I am not ashamed to show it.
However, just recently, after a pseudo-triple date with my two best girlfriends, one of my best girlfriend’s boyfriend and his best friend, and a third guy I hope I never see again, one of the guys casually remarked: “It’s no wonder Sarah’s single.” I took his little aside to heart, despite my best friend’s protestations, and started to over-analyze my behaviour over the course of the night.
I didn’t dance on any tables or anything, but I wasn’t overly chaste either. I burped, but I said excuse me, I got a little drunk, but not belligerent, and I may or may not have allowed colourful information about my past to be exposed. Oops.
This all got me thinking, am I single because I have zero shame, never feel embarrassed, am impossible to humiliate, and have no qualms about unmasking my various indignities?
I am not willing to rule it out just yet.
I have already admitted to being a lot to handle at times, and I think sometimes I forget that a little bit of mystery about a person can go a LONG way. It could be that my lack of shame allows me to feel too comfortable with myself, and maybe I let a little but too much information slip when I’m in company. Maybe that guy was right, and I wouldn’t be alone if I wasn’t so open and honest about my lifestyle and indiscretions.
Maybe if I took my ridiculous personality down a notch, I would have more eligible suitors chapping at my door.
Or, maybe not. So in the words of my wise BFF: Fuck ’em. And be yourself.