18. Maybe it’s because I’m socially stupid.

My right to complain about being alone has been momentarily suspended.

Why?

Well, I’ll tell ya. It’s quite the story, and this is how the story goes:

There once was a boy, who was into a girl. And all was right and good in the world.

The girl had spent most of her lifetime searching for love and companionship, and she thought she may have finally found it. But alas, this love was not meant to be.

The boy would shower the girl with compliments, but instead of graciously accepting them she would ward them off as if they were physical blows, and not flowery expressions praising her beauty and grace.

The boy eventually began to tire of  telling the girl how beautiful she was — both inside and out — for he began to feel that she did not believe him. And although he stopped his continuous complimenting, she continued to emphasize her faults rather than her graces… And soon these faults were all he could see; her faults were all he could think about.

No longer was she a fair maiden whose heart and mind he desired: she was a monster who had been consumed by all the negative aspects of herself.

The boy left the girl, now heartbroken and alone, and he was never to be heard from again.

The end.

Basically, the gist of it is, I had a guy who may or may not have wanted to pursue a relationship with me. And instead of going with the flow, and seeing where it went and what happened with it, I decided to take my fate into my own hands and permanently seal it.

I told him ALL the things I hated about myself. I gave him my insecurities, nicely wrapped up… All the ammo he ever needed to turn his back on me FOREVER.

This little interaction forced me to consider the following: am I single because I am socially incompetent, religiously self-deprecating, and can’t believe a good thing when it’s right in front of my face?

YES. Yes, yes, yes. I am stupid, and I know it.

Maybe if I took a step back, and actually let myself think with my heart and not my head, I would quit over-analyzing WHY a guy is into me and just FUCKING ENJOY IT.

Needless to say, I have learned my lesson. And if a guy EVER asks me out again, I know to not even open my mouth, nod my head politely, and go with it.

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