41. Maybe I’m looking in all the wrong places.

I bitch constantly about how impossible it is to find a decent guy in this city. I bitch to my friends, my co-workers, my fellow students, and even my gramma about how hopeless the search is.

What has a girl gotta do to be taken out on a nice date by a nice guy? One that doesn’t end in a drunken hook-up that leads to him never calling me again, preferably. (That one time was, in all fairness, my bad — sorry.) But still. Most of the time I put myself out there — maybe too far out there — & I get a little bit excited thinking that maybe I might have finally found the one mostly ordinary, painfully run-of-the-mill, almost perfect for me guy.

And they never call. Or text. Or EVEN FACEBOOK ME. Which is the 2013 version of leaving a Post-it note — a pussy form of communication.

I met this guy a couple of weekends ago and I thought we had frisson. It was instant: the connection felt tangible. We talked & danced all night, and I gave him my number. Then I asked him if I would hear from him, to which he responded positively, and here we are TWO weeks later… Nothing.



I have been through the motions with my BFF already: asking her what the fuck is wrong with me (Nothing, she says, you’re GREAT, she says) & battling with the idea of contacting him (don’t do it, she says, if he wants to talk to you, he WILL talk to you, she says) and finally I have landed on the fact that maybe I am single because the guys I choose to associate with prefer their women that way. Unattached — especially to them — and slightly needy, wanting of attention and eager to receive it in any way, shape or form.

I play right into their hands: I am insecure, and shy, and when I get attention from guys that are attractive it’s exciting for me. Which I am sure they can sense… & men use it to entrap me for a night, only to release me back into the wild the next day.

Catch & release is an awesome system for preserving wildlife in areas around the world; the program is not so awesome when used as a potential dating strategy.

So, maybe it’s these guys. I strongly hope that there are men out there who want more than just a one night stand, and I hope even MORE strongly that I can find one someday. But it has become increasingly evident that these mysterious men who want relationships do NOT frequent the same places I do.

So, maybe I remain painfully single because I am looking in the most shady, the most reprehensible, terribly incorrect and aberrantly inappropriate places for a mate.

I just need to adjust my dating strategy: maybe I’ll check out a wine-tasting, or an autoshow, and I can hopefully dredge up someone who is normal, and kind of wants to be with me.


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