47. Maybe it’s because I have no idea what I am doing.

I am so totally clueless when it comes to relationships.

Seriously. It’s no wonder I am alone… If I actually think about how relationship-handicapped I am it’s amazing I have ever succeeded in engaging in & maintaining a romantic connection, however unhealthy it may have been.

The truth is, I am very confused whenever I have to deal with men on a romantic level. If I like a boy, or if a boy likes me, or if I think a boy thinks that I like him… I panic. I have no idea what to do.

I have absolutely no idea how to handle feelings/conversations of the amorous variety.

& it probably shows.

I get all flustered, & start worrying about the most ridiculous scenarios. I think far too much into everything that I say, & I analyze everything he says back to the point where my sanity is seriously compromised. I agonize (relentlessly, sometimes) over what to say, & how what I say might possibly be interpreted.

My BFF recently told me I am going to start taking years off my life if I continue to maintain my current level of stress. & she’s right — as per the usual.

It’s crazy. I’m crazy. It’s unhealthy. I manage to suck the fun out of a flirty conversation because I am such a basketcase… But, really, what it all boils down to is the fact that I am not entirely comfortable in conversations with boys — especially the ones I really like.

I am nervous, & anxious, & my tongue gets tied; I care far too much about what men think of me.

Which brings me to this: Am I single because I am mystified, lost, baffled, perplexed & just plain puzzled when I’m thrust into romantic situations?

I think it’s a definite possibility.

Recently, a boy with whom I was previously “involved” (for lack of a better term) reached out to me. Now, I like him… I really do. & that kind of freaks me out because as soon as the element of affection comes in to play… I worry. I start to seriously stress about how to talk to him: what should I say? Will he think that’s stupid? Will he think that’s funny? Does he think I’m stupid? Funny? Flirty? Cute?

Yeah… I can’t handle it. I’m gonna give myself an aneurysm (if that’s even possible… Disclaimer: I’m a writer, not a doctor) from all this undue stress.

So, for any men reading this… Please be gentle when it comes to conversing with me, k?


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s