61. Maybe it’s my expectations.

I had a nice, long chat with my long-distance BFF the other day about our expectations from men. It was brought on by my vehement decision to set up boundaries with the various guys in my life; a decision that was rapidly followed by my insecurities creeping in, & a nagging voice in my head informing me that, well, maybe I’m crazy for wanting so much.

It seems easy to tell myself I deserve the best: I want to be treated like the most special girl in the world, & I should be. What seems daunting is finding a guy who is willing to do that.

I long for a dude who will treat me… Hmm. I don’t want to say like a princess because I feel like that’s unrealistic, but I definitely want a man who’s gonna treat me right. By right I mean he will accept me, love me, understand me. He will challenge me, support me, & allow me to be vulnerable.

At least, I hope he will.

These are the things I want from a guy, & although sometimes they might seem common sense… Other times I feel I might be too rigid in my expectations.

Maybe I’m single because my unforgiving, draconian standards combined with my lack of leniency form boundaries that — although permeable — require far more time & energy to infiltrate than today’s man would wish to expend. Are my expectations that old-fashioned & fanciful that they prevent me from finding true love?

Perhaps. BUT: is it so wrong that I want to dictate how I should be treated? I don’t think there’s a problem with holding myself to a certain standard, & then expecting the future love of my life to meet it. I am all for compromise, & I will be the first person to make sacrifices when it comes to people I care about, but those are privileges that need to be earned. A dude can’t expect to just waltz into my life & automatically become the most important thing to me since sliced cheese. I don’t want to be taken advantage of — that’s all.

In the past I have gone about my normal people-pleasing ways, & that just doesn’t work. When I spend all of my time trying to be the person I think I need to be for a relationship to function… That isn’t real. & eventually the fantasy is going to give out; it won’t last. The way I look at it, my expectations are just me being, well, me. The more I stick to my expectations, the more real I am. My logic is this: the more real I am, the more likely I am to stumble into a rock solid relationship.

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