Ahh. It’s that time again. The big day is finally here: Valentine’s. The relationship-centric holiday about love, that we (I) love to hate.

I’m convinced that this holiday was created for the newly wed & the nearly dead. Oh, & children. But, I mean… nobody else really cares about it.

How can they? It’s a lose-lose situation for the entire planet. If you are in a relationship, there is so much unecessary pressure to make an otherwise arbitrary day special, & if you are single, there is so much unnecessary pressure to drink heavily and sleep with that guy who is shorter than you’re normally attracted to, but seems nice & you are convinced that you guys kind of have a connection. He’s at least a warm body to keep you company on a cold, cold Valentine’s night, & when your eyes are closed & his arms are wrapped around you, you can start to imagine that you aren’t totally alone.

Until he kicks you out sometime the next morning because, well, you guys aren’t in a relationship & he doesn’t have to spend time actually talking to you with your clothes on.

I also have the added embarrassment of lying to the cashier about the true recipient of that heart-shaped case of Ferrero Rocher & dozen Valentine-themed cupcakes — I’m throwing a party okay? (Pity parties count as parties… Kind of. Right?)

It seems ridiculous to have a holiday that revolves around the sole concept of having a significant other. I mean, yeah, you can have a platonic Valentine — I find that socially acceptable… my mum is usually my Valentine — but that doesn’t change the fact that this is a holiday based on romance (but actually based less on romantic acts and more on physical abuse & confusion, for anyone who is curious). It’s terribly unfair that there is this day dedicated to love, and togetherness, and romantic relationships… But there is no day dedicated to being alone & binging on junk food & wine. Although, I guess for most singletons that is what Valentine’s Day has become… A day where single people roam the earth reminded of their bitter solo existence. Unfair, & totally rude. Single people are people too, ya know!

The bottom line is this: if you need me February 14, just follow the trail of empties & Ferrero  wrappers (& loud un-ladylike sobbing) — you’ll find me. I might be belligerently drunk & I will be crying… But I’ll be there. Most likely watching a made-for-TV moving starring an impossibly attractive girl who ends up meeting an impossibly attractive man (by chance, of course) & falling in Luv.

Fictional characters have all the luck.

Happy Valentine’s Day readers!


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