69. Maybe it’s because I make bad choices.

I have notoriously terrible judgment when it comes to my personal life. I don’t know why, but it seems to be that when I am faced with a decision (go home to sleep or cab to a stranger’s house for a drunken hook-up; drive 2 & a half hours for mediocre sex or do my homework; exchange food for nookie or, you know, don’t…) I always, ALWAYS, without fail, or even a second thought, choose the risky, less-appropriate, more — ahem — promiscuous of the two.

I tend to lean towards dangerous situations & pass over the safer alternatives. I like spontaneity: it’s more fun. But with great spontaneity comes great responsibility.

& a serious lack of real relationship prospects.

I’ve said it before, but I will say it again: getting laid is easy. I mean, I am a decent-looking girl who still has all her teeth… All I need to do is find a willing guy, bat my eyelashes once or twice, & it’s on. But just because something is easy doesn’t mean you should do it, right? The easy choice isn’t always the best choice — actually, it’s usually the worse one.

& it is usually the one that involves me downing consecutive hand-grenades & crawling into bed with a guy who is cute, nice, seems to like me, tells me he likes me, ravages me with his mediocre cock (his words, not mine), but will probably never talk to me again following the inevitable one-night stand awkward morning after.

Ugh. Like, who am I? & how long do I really think I can keep this shit up. I am not getting any younger — I don’t want to be the retiree offering blow jobs in a north side bar’s parking lot, using sexual acts as a means of bartering for physical affection.

But every choice has a consequence, & I fear I am headed down a long, lonely road.

Maybe if I made more rational, chaste, and thoughtful judgements, and was less reckless in my decision-making processes when it came to time spent with men, I wouldn’t be left wondering why boys never want to hold my hand in public.

Or even spend time with me in public, really.

I make a lot of bad choices, & most of them involve dudes. But the buck stops here folks: the time has come for me to spend some time pondering my decisions. Maybe if I weigh the pros & cons when faced with two choices I won’t make the easy decision — I will make the right one.

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