74. Maybe it’s because I’m still unnaturally close with my BFF?

As ya’ll are probably aware, my BFF moved across the country last summer to follow her dream of becoming a Broadway star. When I first realized she was leaving (I knew before she did, I’m convinced) I was devastated. I didn’t know if I would be able to be who I am without her (we’re a tad codependent). But honestly, it’s a pretty big deal when someone you care about moves away. & I was worried that our unnaturally close relationship would suffer when we were separated. The only thing I had to compare it to was the time my third grade best friend moved to Winnipeg. & I don’t even remember that girl’s first name — needless to say, we didn’t stay in touch.

But…

My current BFF & I have actually grown closer since her move (if that’s even possible).

We’ve known each other for all of our adult lives, & in that time we have both done a lot of growing. I know that I would not be the same type of person I am today without her influences, & I would like to think I have had at least made a modicum of difference on how she turned out too. We’ve each seen the other at her lowest point (so far), & I hope we have the chance to witness each other’s highest as well.

She has been gone for 9 months. Even as I write that it doesn’t seem… right. It has felt like forever, but at the same time it has felt like no time has passed at all. I just finished talking to her on the phone & sometimes, when we talk, it feels as if she never left. It is almost like I can hop into my car & make the 20 minute drive to crawl into bed & watch Netflix with her.

Now, we definitely don’t talk as much as we did when she lived in the same time zone as me, & sometimes we forget to touch base about things that happen in our lives (& I always seem to forget the names of her new friends — sorry!), but we have still managed to maintain a bond that transcends all the normalities that usually define friendships.

We don’t have sleepovers or stage impromptu puppet shows anymore, & we can’t drive around into the wee hours of the morning sipping Tim’s & singing duets, nor can we spend an hour or two browsing for the perfect shade of lipstick & reading romantic greeting cards out loud at the drugstore. But, we are better, stronger, and healthier in our relationship than we have ever been before. Because I can’t talk to her all the time, or see her all the time, go to the gym with her all the time, or lay in bed doing nothing with her all the time, it makes me appreciate her more. It makes me realize how great of a friend she is, & how valuable & rare our friendship is. There aren’t very many people I know who are as lucky as we are, & I think when we spent every single waking (& sleeping) moment with each other… It became less obvious how truly special it is to have a friendship like ours.

I miss her, and I love her, but I am so happy for her too. I am proud that she took the biggest leap of her entire life & moved across the country to pursue her dream. I am so proud, & so lucky, to call her my best friend. I can’t wait for the day when we can engage in marathon hangouts again, but I also know that right now we are good with where we are at. When we talk, even if it’s been a few days, we can pick up our conversation exactly where we left it. When I saw her for the first time since she’d moved, we fell right back into our usual routine… As if we had never been apart. & we have the kind of relationship where it will always be that way: I will never have to worry that I won’t be good enough for her, & she will always, always, be good enough for me.

So, sorry boys, even though she’s not here… my BFF is still as big a part of my life as ever. & to love me is to love her. If my main man isn’t cool with my main girl, then… Peace out bro. Shit’s just not gonna work out.

There’s plenty of fish on the beach, but it’s rare to find a BFF like mine.

 

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