82. Maybe it’s because I’m selfish.

I’ve been focusing a lot of energy on myself lately.

I have been taking care of me — ain’t nobody else gonna do it, am I right? 

You see, not being in school fulltime & working parttime has afforded me the rare opportunity to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.

It’s awesome.

I have been able to do luxurious things like eat breakfast, do laundry, &, you know, bathe. It’s nice to have the time for things like runs in the river valley, or walks with the dogs, or shopping that isn’t online.

I have been enjoying myself these last few weeks. Perhaps I have been enjoying myself too much… because I just can’t stop. I won’t stop. I had forgotten how great it is to do the things I like to do… I am a naturally selfless person, & it’s so easy for me to get caught up in taking care of others.

Now, I don’t mind being the friend who is in the front row at sports’ games, or the friend who educates herself on the Marvel universe in order to better enjoy the latest film installment, or the friend who always sings the boy part. In fact I really like being that friend. Because I like when the people I love share the things they love with me. I love it, actually. I love being that friend who is down for anything & everything.

Turns out, though, I also really like doing the things I love.

& maybe that makes me a little bit selfish, or greedy, or self-indulgent. But sometimes I think a person has to be, & that’s okay. There is no shame in putting yourself first every once in a while — it does the body good.

So now I do have a lot of time on my hands. Enough time that I have room for another human (of the male persuasion) in my life but I think I am having way too much fun being selfish to even consider that right now.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t even want a summer fling. I don’t want to invest time & energy in another person: I want to keep me all to myself.

For the first time in a long time I am not actively searching out a mate &… it feels kinda cool.

I want to spend time with myself this summer, & I just can’t wait to get to know me better.

.

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