I ventured over to Kdays a couple weeks ago with one of my oldest & closest friends. We decided to go out & enjoy Edmonton’s annual exhibition because Mariana’s Trench was playing, it was supposed to be a beautiful day, & (at least for me) I wanted to feel 16 again… even if it was just for a few hours.
So feel 16 I did.
We splurged on a ride-all-day pass, which anyone who has gone to Kdays with the intent to ride any rides will assert is an absolute necessity, & we ate any & all deep-fried food we could get our hands on, & we spent $7 on a drink, & then pushed our way to the front of a crowd full of teenaged girls to enjoy the musical stylings of Josh Ramsay & his motley crew of emo musicians.
It was amazing. I haven’t felt that sort of joy in years. & although it made me feel young at heart, I think it also made me feel old, too. Because as much as I felt like a teenager… the fact that I wear a shirt that covers my torso, neglect to let my bum hang out the bottom of my shorts (that can’t be comfortable, by the way), & can no longer bend down & get back up without a groan & the now familiar pop of my knee joints indicates otherwise.
I’m not getting any younger. In fact, the exact opposite is happening. & it seems to be happening rather quickly. Definitely faster than I would like, anyway.
Getting older is making me feel like I am running out of time. Time to date, & then fall in love, & find someone who wants to commit to a life of monogamy with me. When you’re young, it’s easy to find someone to hold your hand & kiss you for no reason. You go to institutions full of other people the same age as you & spend entire days with these people & the odds are good at least one of them will want to mash faces & attempt to inch his sweaty palms up your shirt.
As an adult, which I am (kind of), it’s not that simple. The older you get the harder it is to find someone. Although, when you do find someone the quality of the relationship is significantly better, & it’s also more likely that it will also actually last, but finding that someone to hold your hand in public & kiss you spontaneously becomes a heck of a lot more difficult.
This makes me wonder if I’ve missed the boat. Am I doomed to be forever alone because I just keep getting older, & older, & even older than that?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Apparently you’re only as old as you feel… & age is just a number, yadda yadda yadda. & I think this same concept could be applied to being alone: I’m only as single as I feel, & being alone is just my marital status. I am definitely getting older, & I’m definitely still single, but I think I’m only getting better. It may have been easier to meet people when I was a high school dwelling teenager… But I’ll take quality over quantity any day of the week.