115. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what I want.

Lately, I’ve been dipping my toes in the dating pool on a more-than-regular basis–I’ve been on a few dates, talked to a few guys. It’s been… thought-provoking. My, um, recent exploits: a man-boy who told me his mother was his BFF, a dude that sent me pictures of various dildos he used (uses?) on himself, & the latest manpiece asked me to buy him women’s underwear. They have been particularly interesting… to say the least.

I’m a little bit baffled. Is this normal, & do I just have to find a way to adapt? Or should I keep searching for the (apparently) rare individual who isn’t a kinky masochist with a mild case of an Oedipus complex? I realize that I may have just had a run of bad luck, & I am probably catastrophising a tad, but it hasn’t kept me from being seriously worried: is it me, or are there no normal men left in this city?

I think (I hope) the answer is no. The reason being, what is normal anyway? What I consider normal versus what everyone else does may be completely different, after all.  I need to figure out what I want in a man; what do I want in a relationship? I need to discover what normal means to me.

As weird as my latest experiences with the opposite sex have been, they have also been helpful. They’ve really emphasized what I don’t want, & that brings me a little bit closer to finding out what I do. 



6 thoughts on “115. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what I want.

  1. You just need to find someone whose idea of normal coincides with your weirdness in just the right quantity. Like really all you need is a super sexy pool boy who will fan you and feed you grapes–you know, nothing big.

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